Epilogue

I didn't think I would be able to make it through a week on Monday. It felt like it was going to be the longest week ever. In retrospect, it was only a week. I still have a long way to go with a lot of issues that I discovered over the week that I think I need to work on. It gave me time to really look at myself and everything around me.

I would not have been able to do this and get where I am if I hadn't completely been removed from the situation. It was a warm, comfortable place to be but to be in that place I had to be deceptive to be there and ever lie that I made to get what I wanted was slowly breaking me apart. I was living two lives and it was exhausting. I'm trying to get to a place where I can merge the two.

Bryan suggested a month or so ago that we needed to see a couples therapist and it scared me then because I knew I would have to lie there too if I were to carry on. Now I don't think it's the worst idea ever. I think I still need help myself but the two of us together could benefit as well. Everyone needs all the help they can get.

I know things will still be strained with Bryan and I where Jake is involved. I think over time, the more honest I am about my friendship and the time I spend with him it can become less of an issue. I don't think Bryan realizes how difficult it is for me to let people in to my life, he sees that I have lots of casual friends and that I can usually find ways to relate to people on albeit superficial levels. I don't go too far out of my comfort zone. Last week was me kept away from my comfort zone, made me look at myself and everyone around me and discover things I would not have given myself the opportunity to.